I've had to come in to the country practically backwards, making up for lost time in class as well as working toward something new all the time. I juggle this with spending time with my friend, Andrew who is only in town for the first five days I am. Not ideal, sure. I’ve often seen my roommate writing diligently while I’m on my way out on the town—to bars, museums, Kutna Hora. I should be working hard and everybody’s working harder than me. That being said I was indescribably disappointed when I heard how my peers spent their first free time here; going to an American hostel, making friends with a bartender there who was also American. Were it my first day (and it was, a few days ago) I would be everywhere, a Kafkan madman talking to strangers, getting lost, going in to every place with a light on and people inside, rejoicing in the wind that a new place gives you; not just in Praha 7 but all over the map. They want to do everything as a group—go to new places in Prague and talk amongst themselves. I’ve made a point on numerous occasions now to duck out.
My insatiable search for the insider spot, no guidebook fodder, has driven me mad in seeing it happen. Just the other night I was in Praha 3 on the west side for just this reason. Everything seemed to be closed and in act of desperation I joked to Andrew, “We should follow some Czech people to see where they go.” God bless him for having the balls to actually do it. We ended up in a neighborhood tavern; quaint, close and warm with spirits, old friends and laughter. We had a few beers and within no time I struck up a conversation with some girls at the table next to us. They turned out to be Swedish, so my plan failed on that level. But just the conversation and sort of hatching from this shell of comfort I had previously been in was like a rebirth, my best night thus far.
One of my Professors, Patricia, after reading a journal I had submitted on this topic, has since made it a point of derailing what she calls "the search for the real Prague." She really is warring on it. But she is totally misplacing her hatred. Everything that isn't a church tour or on the school itinerary isn't worth caring about to her. So contrived. So first she calls (not specifically, just 'some people) my search commonplace and cliche "there are always a lot of students every year..." and then she claims that it's a futile search, or at least one you shouldn't be on, there is no real Prague. Recently, it's become a matter of all things negative she sees are "the Real Prague." In fact her new criteria might as well be "if it sucks and it's in Prague, that's the real Prague. The guy driving our rickety, faulty old bus with the dirty pictures on the window and weird Russian films playing from the 1970s--that's the real Prague!" Today there were kids playing and yelling, God forbid, in Stromovka park by the cafe and trampoline and she and most of our table were annoyed by it, "This is real as it gets, parents with their children. Screaming kids--that's the real Prague." Death, Patricia. That's the real Prague isn't it? Death, disease and famine under a pristine facade of quiet expat bookstores with cafes you like, unlimited church tours and restaurants where smoking is prohibited.
So this, being here, has been a struggle. I’ve been trying so hard, already incognito, to disinvent the everyday I know and be somewhere new and at the same time uninvent this “notion” of myself. I’ve spared nothing, no whim no impulse or goal. I wouldn’t say that there is a plan. Well obviously not or maybe I’d be taking my academic endeavors more seriously. Success in this sense will mean a ying-yang balance of debauchery and scholarship. It’s hard because I don’t have faith in my peers ability and I give in too easily to pleasure, especially when it surrounds me. My mother always says to me “You push the limit… You push the limit and you don’t know when to stop.” Maybe I’ll make a note of it and go through every day in this place exploding with the unexplored with a little mental disclaimer hovering in my vision DO NOT TOUCH. DO NOT KISS. DO NOT TAKE. DO NOT DO. DO NOT LISTEN.
A long time ago I saw one of those cheesy motivational posters, and I couldn't help but buy it. You know how they take a core value and offer some profound and breathtaking description, well this one was
RISK: A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships were made for.
Let’s go see what ships were made for.
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